Artful Dodger

Item Number: SCP-5771

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5771 must be kept in a small, dark room that has dimly lit purple lights. It must be allowed all access to food, water, caffeine and the Internet. It must be granted headphones to listen to jazz music to keep it at bay.

Description: SCP-5771 wears the same Mothman sweatshirt, beanie, t-shirt and jeans every day, alongside of course, its glasses. It does not know if it is human or just something masquerading as a human, so it often finds itself falling into deep existential dread. It loves music, film, tv shows, and will not shut up if the subject is brought up. It will kill if given the chance.

It is also the god of plague, and is a doctor despite having not much knowledge on the matter other than sick torture methods and surgeries that would make any sane human being squirm. It has a morbid fascination with making things "beautiful," but its thoughts of beauty are extremely subjective. In order for it to perform these grisly surgeries, it must be given teeth as payment. No less than 32 teeth. It eats the teeth as a snack during its surgeries.

It has a surreal and dark sense of humour and often spouts nonsense at the expense of others' psyches, but it does not care about the pain it inflicts and only seeks to make itself laugh. It lives in the cursed NSFW chat, occasionally posting images in bursts whenever it wants without a care in the world. It is speculated that SCP-5771 is a psychic that senses chaos, but it cannot be tested properly to make sure it is not just a joke the creature adopted. Every hour of the day is spent thinking about cursed thoughts, engaging in unique behaviours, and indulging itself in the media it collects.